Petersen: The rocky road of love |

Petersen: The rocky road of love

Courting, dating, persuading, pursuing, enticing, no matter how it’s described, here’s the likely scenario — cowboy style.

Velma and Clyde or: The Rocky Road of Romance

A cowboy’s sure a handsome critter

Velma found him so

“She counted her lucky starts, cuz Clyde had finally noticed, she wasn’t a creature from Mars!”

In high-heeled boots, his walk a strut

She loved to watch him go

And when she’d see those skin-tight jeans

A hugging him just right

Her heart went pitty-pat

She’d ride for miles to see that sight.

She’d watch him top an ornery bronc

(Ain’t none he couldn’t ride)

She’d sigh and feel a shiver quiver

Up and down her hide

And then one day, Clyde came a-courtin’

She counted her lucky stars

Cuz Clyde had finally noticed

She wasn’t a creature from Mars!

He made a date for half-past five

He asked if she was free

To help him haul some calves to town

She said, “Oh, lucky me!”

She had to climb aboard Clyde’s truck

(No courteous assist)

He smiled at her and blushed beet-red

His grin she could not resist

She sank up to her kneecaps

In a pile of baler twine

She couldn’t relax; upholstery springs

Kept stabbing in her spine

Behind her head, a .30-.30

Hung from metal hooks

In front of her, the dash collection

Drew her puzzled looks

A broken headstall – a piece of chain

Some pliers and a bolt

A half a sandwich, two cans of snoose

A halter for a colt

No matter what, on this occasion

His pickup was her chariot

She shared the seat with dog and gun

And tightly twisted lariat

But when she got middle and dog got window

Velma began to glow

Especially when he took her out

To watch alfalfa grow

On the day they had a picnic

Clyde also fixed some fences

And she was honored when he let

Her staple while he stretches

Then came a day when Clyde, he muttered

Words of fine discourse

And Velma knew she’d be a bride

When Clyde let her ride his horse

Now here is where Love’s Path gets tricky

Let me warn all girls

That as they forded the river crossing

Where the current swirls

Clyde observed, “Ride easy, Velma,

Tho, in my heart you’re tops

Keep in mind that you’re expendable; that horse is not”

P.S. Velma and Clyde have been wedded now for 29 years—nine of ‘em not all that bad. ❖


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