My neighbor, Maude, brought up a question: To wit: Is anybody else sick and tired of hearing the “eff…g” word spewed forth by comedians, talk show hosts, teenagers and politicians — and nowadays — even small children?

Passion, volatility, strongly enthusiastic words … nothing justifies use of a word offensive to grammas. Not to worry. Maude has conceived a replacement word. What — what — you may eagerly inquire. The word is — drum-roll please — “potty-mouth.”

Read on as Maude elucidates: The following is the nursery rhyme: Mary Had A Little Lamb. Most folks are familiar with it. Maude repeats it here using the adjective “eff…ng.” Following the “eff…ng” version, she repeats again using the newly invented phrase: “potty-mouth.”

Mary had a “eff…ng” little lamb, “eff…ng” little lamb, “eff…ng” little lamb

Mary had a “eff…ng” little lamb, its fleece was white as “eff…ng” snow.

And “eff…ng” everywhere that Mary went, Mary “eff…ng” went, Mary “eff…ng” went,

And “eff…ng” everywhere that Mary “eff…ng” went, the “eff…ng” lamb was sure to go.

Mary had a “eff…ng” little lamb, “eff…ng” little lamb, “eff…ng” little lamb

Mary had a “eff…ng” little lamb its “eff…ng” fleece was white as “eff…ng” snow

And “eff…ng” everywhere that Mary “eff…ng” went, Mary “eff…ng” went, Mary “eff…ng” went

And “eff…ng” everywhere that Mary went, the “eff…ng” lamb was sure to “eff…ng” go

Okay … now, says Maude, substitute “potty-mouth” for “eff…ng.”

Mary had a “potty-mouth” little lamb, “potty-mouth” little lamb “potty-mouth” little lamb

Mary had a “potty-mouth” little lamb, its “potty-mouth” fleece was white as “potty-mouth” snow.

And “potty-mouth” everywhere that Mary “potty-mouth” went, Mary “potty-mouth” went, Mary “potty-mouth” went, the “potty-mouth” lamb was sure to “potty-mouth” go.

Several conclusions can be determined from the above exercise, Maude claims:

One: The new word should be sent to all talk-show hosts, screamers and radio blabber bullies, as well as all state and national politicians and those awful comedians who can’t think of anything witty to say unless it’s prefaced with the ultimately, endlessly boring “eff…ng” word.

Maude claims postive results such as: All the excessive passionately expressed verbiage could and would still be spit out but without embarrassing anybody. (Maude is sure we’d all “get it”).

And, Maude further insists, it’s obvious that “potty-mouth” is a whole lot funnier word especially if adopted by (which it won’t) Twitter Addicts. ❖