Yield: A professional | TheFencePost.com

Yield: A professional

I love dogs. And, most dogs love me in return. Love for a dog is unconditional. When I read of all the discombobulated folks in this country who are addicted or afflicted with some mental or physical problem, I wonder how many could be helped with a dog’s unconditional love.

I think that the world’s best antidepressant has four legs, a wagging tail and a tongue ready to give you a welcoming kiss, regardless of circumstances in your life. Does anyone come close to your dog when it comes to loving you excitedly every single time you come home? I didn’t think so.

Heck, I’ve even met some folks whose attitude toward life makes me feel sorry for their dog.


“Does anyone come close to your dog when it comes to loving you excitedly every single time you come home?”

A young, harried farm wife, right in the middle of fall harvest, wuz directed by her distraught husband to the distant implement dealer to pick up urgently needed parts for the broken combine.

She sped to the dealership and picked up the parts, but as her luck would have it, she stopped on the way home for a bathroom break and found when she got back to her pickup that she had locked her keys inside.

In panic mode, the farm wife found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said: “I don’t know how to use this. But I’m gonna give it a try.”

But try as she might, she had no luck, so she resorted to the only option available. She bowed her head and asked God to send her some assistance.

Within a minute, a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said: “Yes, our combine is broken down in the middle of harvest. It’s urgent that I get home with the parts. But, I’ve locked my keys in my pickup. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”

The grimy biker said, “Sure.” He walked over to the pickup and in less than a minute, he had the door opened and handed the keys to the farm wife.

Grateful, in spite of how the guy looked, she hugged the man and through tears said: “Thank you, God, for sending me such a very nice, helpful man.”

The biker heard her little prayer and replied: “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday. I was in for car theft.”

The farm wife hugged the biker again, and sobbing even louder, blubbered, “Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a professional!”


A construction crew arrived at a prosperous farmstead and began preparation for erecting a new metal barn. Most of the crew were younger guys, but the foreman wuz a grizzled, scarred, bow-legged veteran of the construction trade.

The younger crew members liked to make fun of the old veteran, but one boisterous young guy began comparing his physical prowess to that of the veteran. His comments to the vet included: “I can lift more boards than you.” “I can climb up the ladder with more on my back than you.” “I can walk across the beams faster than you.” “I can haul hod in the wheelbarrow better than you.”

Finally, the old guy had enuf from the whippersnapper. “Why don’t you put your money where your loud mouth is?” he said to the neophyte. “I’ll bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that barn yonder that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the young buck replied. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, “All right. Get in.”


In a rural bar, a PETA enthusiast and a dairy farmer sat side by side at the bar and got into a heated argument about the need for science to create synthetic meat that requires no killing of animals.

The PETA guy gave a valiant argument to the dairy farmer.

Then the dairy farmer ended the conversation with a single sentence: “You’re crazy. Why go to the cost and effort to re-invent the veal?”


A farmer/grandfather always made a special effort with his grandchildren. Many Sunday mornings he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time.

One particular Sunday, however, he had a bad cold and he really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, grandma came to the rescue and said that she would take the grandchild out. When they returned, the little girl eagerly ran upstairs to see Grandpa.

“Well,” the grandfather asked, “did you enjoy your ride with Granny?”

“Oh, yes, Grandpa,” the girl replied, “And do you know what? We didn’t see a single dumb SOB the entire trip like you and I do.”


Wry comment of the week. I put a washing machine motor in my old pickup. Gonna take it for a spin later.

Don’t forget to attend the Ozark Fall Farmfest in Springfield, Mo. Have a good ‘un. ❖

Milo Yield

Strange doin’s


Some weeks at Damphewmore Acres just end up having more doin’s than other weeks. But this week took the prize in “strange doin’s.”

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