Yield: Story time | TheFencePost.com

Yield: Story time

I love this supposedly-true story. This classified advertisement ran in a local newspaper:

“Single blonde female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips and cozy winter nights snuggling by the fire.

Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (phone number) and ask for Annie. I’ll be waiting.”

Over 150 men found themselves talking to the local animal shelter which ran the ad to find a home for a fetchingly adorable Golden Labrador Retriever puppy.


Okay, I’m on a dog-story roll. Here’s a second one.

A well-kept rural homestead had this sign prominently posted in the yard next to the driveway:

“Yes, he bit six feed salesman, four siding salesmen, five bicyclists in Spandex, three teenagers with their pants hanging down past their butt crack, two religious fanatics, seven joggers wearing offensive t-shirts and one flag-burner. Now, for the last time. MY DOG AIN’T FOR SALE!”


From a Texas friend, ol’ Y. Arn Spinner, comes this story that will warm the heart of any true resident of the Lone Star state:

One day, a very gentle, gray-haired Texas lady was driving across a high bridge crossing the Brazos River. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin’ to jump (“fixin’ to” in Texas means getting ready to). She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, “Please don’t jump! Think of your dear mother and father.”

The would-be jumper replied, “My mom and dad are both dead. I’m going to jump.”

The lady came back with, “Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children.”

The would-be jumper replied, “I’m not married, and I don’t have any kids.”

The Texas lady, as a last resort, suggested, “Well then, you just remember the Alamo.”

The would-be jumper gave her a quizzical look and replied, “What’s the Alamo?”

The Texas lady yelled out the window as the drove off, “Well, bless your heart! Go ahead and jump, you interloping Yankee! You’re holding up traffic.”


Sadly, one of the greatest country/western music voices and entertainers — the great Don Williams — has gone to his great reward. Mr. Williams, “The Gentle Giant” of country music, wuz one of my all-time favorites. I attended two of his live concerts and have virtually every song he recorded in my music library.

I applaud his creative, low-key life. Thankfully, his mellifluous recorded voice lives on. For those interested in the word “mellifluous,” here’s the meaning. Its an adjective meaning (of a voice or words) sweet or musical, pleasant to hear, sweet-sounding, dulcet, honeyed, mellow, soft, liquid, silvery, soothing, rich, smooth, euphonious, harmonious, tuneful and musical.

Williams’s voice was all of that — and more!


Also, sadly, Troy Gentry, one-half of the Montgomery Gentry country music duo, died recently in a helicopter crash. In addition to making fine country music, Gentry was a patriot, always doing what he could for our nation’s veterans. A person like that is truly missed for way more than his music.


I wouldn’t live in Florida or along the Gulf Coast if you gave me the property and paid the taxes on it — too many hurricanes and too many people. Give me good ol’ Kansas anytime where I deal with just drought, heat and the possibility of a tornado. My heart — and a little donation — goes out to the victims of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma and Jose, which is crashing across the Caribbean as I write.


I can’t recall a late summer with as many butterflies as we have at Damphewmore Acres this year. Butterflies are everywhere on every bloom, plus lots of next year’s butterflies — wooly worms — are abundant on the ground, too. The barn swallows took their time getting ready to migrate. They gathered by the hundreds before they took off for warmer winter climes.


The history reformers are having a hey day dismantling Confederate statues that supposedly offend them. I wonder what those protestors plan to do with the statue of the proud Buffalo Soldiers, African-American soldiers who effectively fought to subjugate Native Americans back in the 1800s?


I like good food, especially good ol’ American beef, so I’ll give a shout-out to Nelson’s Landing in Leonardville, Kan. It’s owned and operated by the parents of Jordy Nelson, graduate of Kansas State University, and all-pro receiver for the Green Bay Packers. The smoked brisket I recently ate there was superb.

Have a good ‘un.❖