Recent Stories | TheFencePost.com

Recent Stories by Gwen Petersen

Petersen: The touriens

August 13, 2018 — It's midsummer and once again the touriens are with us. tourien: A noun recently accepted as a legitimate word in the New Dictionary of American Lingo, 1776 edition. The expression represents an amalgamation of tourien: (tour-ist — noun. One who travels for pleasure), and: (alien

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An authentic way

August 3, 2018 — Here's a piece of history: Pincher Creek, Alberta, Canada, is more or less next door to Montana's northern border. Canada, too, has a distinctive tradition of hosting Cowboy Poetry Gatherings. Often, a posse of Canadian cowboys will sign up to participate in the annual Montana

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Petersen: Vegetarian anthems

July 27, 2018 — The core feeling among vegetarians is: They've figured out the meaning of life. They're quite sure that they'll live forever. Is anybody else, besides myself, confused about differences among assorted styles of vegetarians? Just to clarify, I've penned some definitions in verse form. Vegetarian Anthems

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Telemarketers

July 13, 2018 — Telemarketers

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Many long years ago

June 29, 2018 — Agnes and Alice, two over-the-hill cowgirls, were reminiscing one summer afternoon about their long-ago younger days before their tresses turned snowy. Not that they had seen their own natural-color hair in 40 or more years. They've never given up coloring their crowning glories. Agnes had

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Petersen: Crystal cuddlers

June 22, 2018 — This true story took place quite a few years ago. Della, a ranch woman — then in her 80s — operated her own small ranch. She was an old-time rancher, almost entirely self-sufficient. She raised an assortment of sheep, goats, chickens, rabbits and tended an

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Petersen: Carded at CheapCo

June 15, 2018 — Recently a friend and I were shopping in one of those CheapCo cut-rate stores, the kind that have a bazillion low-priced items that you can't live without. We shop there for low prices on computer ink, crossword puzzle books, recycled cheap movies and office supply

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Petersen: Tallulah

June 8, 2018 — And then there's the story of cowgirl Tallulah (not her real name) who lost the diamond from her wedding ring. Tallulah is in the business of training horses. It happened the day she was riding across a whole lot of prairie — on a green-broke

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Petersen: The right to bearhammers

June 1, 2018 — Every sane person is desperate to protect kids and others from people with twisted minds who go on killing sprees. Pro-gun or anti-gun … the blame game never stops. Did you know that other objects that have killing potential are being investigated by authorities, such

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Cannonball and Clem

May 25, 2018 — Going on vacation "Out West" sometimes means staying at a "guest" ranch. Or if you want to be less politically correct — a "dude" ranch. The summer Clem hired on as a wrangler on a dude ranch provided him with social skills he didn't know

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Peterson: Movin’ Cows Down the County Road on a Summer Day

May 18, 2018 — Looking through my old files I came across a poem written after a day in the saddle moving a small bunch of cows down a gravel country road. I, of course, was the "Instant Hired Hand" — a euphemism for "the wife," But it was

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Petersen: Golden Age Hooplah

May 11, 2018 — Have you ever constructed a newsletter? Or thought about doing so? These days it seems every business, store, organization, school, website…you name it, a newsletter brags on its product or service. Thus, I am moved to create a newsletter on behalf of persons of "golden

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Petersen: My embarrassing moment

May 4, 2018 — Have you ever been deeply embarrassed because of something dumb that happened to you? I certainly have. The latest mortification occurred just last week. Some things one cannot make up. One can only profess, confess and admit to what happened. This is an absolutely true

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Petersen: The twine that binds

April 27, 2018 — It's been a long winter. Spring should be around the corner. However, yesterday, we had another snow storm. Well, half snow, half rain. Roads are a woefully-muddy mess. Ranchers are using up the last of their winter hay and some are having to buy more,

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In a Sow’s Ear: The annual horse drive

April 20, 2018 — Each year, proceeds from the annual horse drive event in Gardiner, Mont., benefits a worthy cause. This year the drive will allocate the money to buy chairs for wounded and disabled military men and women. In case you're not familiar with the horse drive, it

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Computer gremlins strike

April 13, 2018 — Mildred drove over to her friend Gladys' ranch and stomped into her kitchen. Mildred: Gladys? … I gotta use your computer. Gladys: Well, uh, sure, but what's the matter with yours? Mildred: Furthermore, I hate, loathe and despise computers. Gladys: Wow. tell me how you

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Petersen: Delia and Delbert

April 6, 2018 — Have you been to your high school reunion? Delia has. This is her story. When Delia was tripping over the beginning of her teen years — she was maybe 12 or 13 — there was a young boy in her elementary school who had a

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Petersen: Government help

March 30, 2018 — Being a rancher means: … you have an "organic" connection to the land every single day and lots of nights. … unless you're a movie star, it takes a second job to support your ranch. Which is why many ranchers and most horseshoers marry school

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Petersen: Limericks to live by

March 23, 2018 — National Ag month recognizes that without farming and ranching, humans would have nothing to eat or wear. Here's a few limericks that showcase (sorta) how cowboys, farmers and plain pig farmers get the job — of feeding and clothing the world — done. LIMERICKS TO

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Petersen: The triumphant return of red meat

March 16, 2018 — In a magazine, called "Men's Health," writer, Markham Heid, penned a thoughtful article titled: The Triumphant Return of Red Meat. "…research reveals that the evils of beef are a load of bull." Heid quotes Dariush Mozaffarian, chair of nutrition at Tufts University, who has been

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