Recent Stories | TheFencePost.com

Recent Stories by Lee Pitts, Columnist

Pitts: Let’s sue someone

February 15, 2018 — Hi ladies, it's me, the wife of the slob who usually writes this column. He's resting now, getting his beauty sleep and believe me, he needs all he can get. Unbeknownst to him, I'm taking over the column this week because what I have to

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Pitts: Fake news

February 9, 2018 — Did you hear the American Angus Association has just bought out all the other breed associations in a multi-billion-dollar all-cash deal? Henceforth ALL the other beef breeds will NOT be referred to as Hereford, Simmental, Beefmaster, Brangus, Charolais, etc., but will instead be called "other

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Pitts: You may be a tool nut if …

February 2, 2018 — There's nobody I admire more than someone who knows their tools, unless it's someone who also collects them. And by the way, you don't have to be a guy to be a tool nut. My wife, for example, is a fabulous eyewear mechanic and has

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Ah-choo!

January 26, 2018 — Warning: This article was written as a research paper but was rejected by the Journal of Animal Science, New England Journal of Medicine, Mayo Clinical Proceedings, European Medical Journal, Journal of Experimental Medicine and The Nance County Journal. Although it was written with a sincere

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Pitts: Social Insecurity

January 19, 2018 — Nov. 17, 2017, was a big day in our lives. It's a day my wife and I have been working towards since we were teenagers. It's the day we signed up for Social Insecurity. I've paid into Social Insecurity since I was 16 years old

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Pitts: Ladycrats and Republimans

January 12, 2018 — World War III isn't going to be between the United States and Russia or the Mideast, it's going to be between men and women. And it won't be fought with guns and bombs because women are too smart for that. Instead they'll try to starve

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Pitts: In theory

January 5, 2018 — I used to have this theory, now debunked, that postulated if you added up the IQ of a person with the IQ of their dog, the total would be exactly the same in every case. For example, if you add up the IQ of a

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Pitts: Fastidious Farming

December 29, 2017 — Farm wives will like the bit of news that farming may soon go dirtless, at least according to a company called Indoor Farms of America. There will be no more dirty clothes to wash or messes to clean up when your hubby forgets to leave

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Pitts: The absolute worst

December 22, 2017 — Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" — George Carlin. I spent 40 years of my life driving 50,000 miles per year going to and from cattle auctions. During that

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Pitts: Why didn’t I think of that?

December 1, 2017 — There have been a few inventions in the cattle business that made me say to myself, "Self, you big dummy, why didn't you invent that?" I knew immediately that a gun you could shoot to vaccinate your cattle would be a winner. Now when you're

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Pitts: Visiting dignitaries

November 9, 2017 — Like chuck-line riding cowboys of yesteryear, they go from ranch to ranch, carrying the news and performing a job no one else wants, let alone can do. Other than a few cowboy poets and purebred bull auctioneers, they are the only celebrities we have in

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Pitts: Deliver us from evil

November 3, 2017 — Did you see where Amazon, the fourth most valuable company in the world, bought Whole Foods? This has the trillion-dollar grocery industry all atwitter and even has Walmart shakin' in its shorts. So much so that it came up with the idea of delivering the

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Perfect Nonsense

October 27, 2017 — I can't imagine a Christmas without kids. Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas are made special by those with wet diapers, no hair or teeth. And that's just the old fogies amongst us. The babies are even more entertaining. At last year's Thanksgiving feast we had

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Pitts: He ain’t ugly, he’s my brother

October 20, 2017 — I am told the golden eagle usually lays two eggs several days apart. Sadly it is true that the older and larger chick usually kills its younger sibling to avoid having to share food with it. Farm animals should be so smart! Simultaneous siblings seem

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Lee Pitts: Celebrating the pre-Christmas season by celebrating the donkey

October 21, 2016 — The time period leading up to Christmas is my favorite time of year, but as for the big day itself, Santa Claus seems to have lost our address. There are fewer packages under the tree with each passing year and my wife has taken to

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Lee Pitts: A lifetime of writing leads to lessons learned, and those still to learn

March 15, 2016 — I've been writing a syndicated column for 35 years now. Thirty two years of that time was spent on the syndicated column you're reading, and three years when I wrote a humor column under an assumed name because I didn't want to disgrace the family

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