Recent Stories | TheFencePost.com

Recent Stories by Lee Pitts, Columnist

Be nice

January 11, 2019 — People the world over use their fingers to communicate; mostly in rude ways. Hip teenagers and Italians couldn't communicate if they had to wear mittens or a catcher's glove. The problem is this "finger talk" is not universal the world over. In America the "okay"

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Pitts: Too cute

December 28, 2018 — I blame all these coffee mugs, flower pots, cartoons, posters and greeting cards with Holstein cows on them for the declining consumption of beef in this country. And I don't think that Miss Piggy helped the pork producers either. Let me explain. I used to

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Pitts: What were they thinking?

December 20, 2018 — Have you ever seen something in a grocery store or restaurant and wondered what the person who first tasted it must have been thinking? Who was the first cave man to eat a jalapeño pepper and say to himself after dunking his head in a

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Pitts: Bear huggers

December 14, 2018 — I've always assumed the term "tree huggers" originated in the 1960s, when strung-out hippies wrapped their needle-ridden arms around trees so that big, bad foresters or condo builders wouldn't cut trees down. You can imagine my surprise when I learned the term "tree hugger" dates

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Pitts: Animals are people, too

December 7, 2018 — Contrary to her name, Happy is a not-so-cheerful 47-year-old elephant who is being held in captivity against her will, at least according to the Nonhuman Rights Project. If you believe the NRP, Happy is being illegally held in the Bronx Zoo against her wishes and

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Pitts: Long gone

November 30, 2018 — You've worked, scrimped and saved to put together a ranch for your children only to learn that your kids want no part of the ranching lifestyle. This has created a shortage of slave labor on ranches that could lead to the decline of western civilization.

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Pitts: Unsustainable

November 23, 2018 — Two of the biggest catchwords of the 21st century are "paradigm" and "sustainable." I've noticed that college professors and the overeducated use the word "paradigm" a lot, while society's fancy pants and hoity-toity tend to over-use the word "sustainable." If you hear someone use both

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Pitts: My house runneth over

November 16, 2018 — There are many benefits to being a syndicated columnist. Although you work for a pittance, the gifts you get more than make up for the paltry salary. For example, I wrote that I had a barb wire collection and Dan from South Dakota, a longtime

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Pitts: Soup strainers and flavor savers

November 11, 2018 — Have you ever noticed the obligatory five or six young men standing behind every Grand Champion steer or heifer at a major livestock show who were responsible for grooming the animal? While every hair is in place on the bovine the talented fellas responsible look

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Pitts: Riding with the big boys

November 5, 2018 — One of the best perks about being a cow writer has been that it served as a gateway to visit many of the biggest and best ranches in America. The highlight came when I got to sleep in the legendary Big House at the King

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Pitts: I see by your outfit

November 5, 2018 — When people ask my wife what I do for a living she replies, "He's a writer." It's the only time I've ever heard her lie. Actually, I spend 80 percent of my work day going to cattle auctions and ranching and only about 20 percent

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Pitts: Relatively speaking

October 19, 2018 — My family talks funny. My mom and grandparents on her side of the family are all gone now but I can still hear them using words like privy, lariat, pipsqueak, scuttlebutt and wieners. They said things were okey-dokey and the bee's knees. My grandfather, a

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Pitts: Signs of a stroke

October 16, 2018 — One of the signs you're getting old is the AARP and the American Heart Association will send you pamphlets warning about the signs of a heart attack or stroke. Trust me, it's not junk mail. Nor is it anything to laugh at, although I'm often

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Pitts: My best idea yet

October 5, 2018 — I've tried everything to make a living in the cow business. I bought expensive replacement heifers when the grass was green and the price was high only to have to sell them for beef eight months later when the grass and the market both dried

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Pitts: Save the ice cube

September 28, 2018 — I have lived for most of my life within 10 miles of San Luis Obispo, Calif., or SLO as it's known. Normally I hate cities, long lines and traffic jams so I tend to stay away from places with stoplights, but as towns go, SLO

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Pitts: Everybody looks better in a cowboy hat

September 21, 2018 — When I taught myself how to engrave silver conchas I practiced on coins. Most of it was foreign coinage but occasionally I'd practice on U.S. coins. And yes, it's legal as long as a person doesn't try to defraud anyone. Turning nickels into quarters would

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Pitts: Name your poison

September 14, 2018 — Today's lesson is about poisonous plants, dangerous delectables and fatal feedstuffs. I'm talking nightshade, lupine, milkweed and the poison used to kill Socrates: hemlock. Water hemlock is said to look a lot like parsnips and a human can die in half an hour just by

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Pitts: Slow-moving traffic

September 7, 2018 — If all the cars in the world were placed end to end … they'd probably be behind a slow-moving cattle truck. Everyone is in such a hurry these days they don't have time to waste behind a Gooseneck filled with cattle. So they pass with

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Pitts: Don’t eat the bait

August 31, 2018 — The Cigarette Act of 1965 required labels on packages to warn consumers about the dangers of smoking. Although, if people who inhaled all that smoke didn't realize it was unhealthy I doubt they were smart enough to read the labels to begin with. That being

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Pitts: A losing battle

August 24, 2018 — We've turned the corner on beef consumption and it's back on the rise after more than a decade of falling like a sack of hammers. I attribute beef's decline to the plethora of diets urging folks to skip the meat in favor of melba toast,

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