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Recent Stories - Lee Pitts

House calls

August 16, 2019

PETA has declared victory in their battle over fur and now they want to go to war over wool. I guess no one has told PETA that you don’t have to kill a sheep to...


Infamous vegetarians

August 9, 2019

I’m getting sick and tired of vegans and vegetarians bragging about all the famous people down through history who were vegetarians for at least part of their lives. I’ll admit it’s a pretty impressive list:...


The Lock Mess Monster

August 2, 2019

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who prefer combination locks and those who like locks with keys. Combo people are generally early adopters of technology, good in math, boring, generous, precise...


Sticker shock

July 25, 2019

If I appear to be walking a little funny lately it’s because it’s sticker season. It’s that time of year when all the foxtails dry out and attempt to attach themselves permanently to my clothing....


Facts, figures and formulas

July 19, 2019

School sure has changed since I went. Back in the 50s and 60s, when I was terrorizing teachers, about the biggest thing we had to worry about were pop quizzes and being sent to the...


Loco En La Cabeza

July 12, 2019

I think I may have a slight problem. My wife thinks I’ve reached the point of being borderline crazy. I’ll give you just one small example and let you decide. I’ve always been highly organized....


No gifts please

July 5, 2019

I was talking with a friend about things people collect when he told me about a fellow who collected running shoes that belonged to famous runners. His collection was world class and he was only...


Hear it roar

June 28, 2019

My environmentalist neighbor has a real dilemma on his hands. He spent a wad of money covering the roof on his house with solar panels to generate enough electricity to power his house, lower his...


Grounded

June 20, 2019

One of my biggest regrets in life is that I never got my pilot’s license. I often wonder what kind of career I’d have had if I took the money I spent on getting a...


The marketing power of me

June 14, 2019

I’ve noticed some of my fellow cow columnists have taken to endorsing products to supplement their income from ag periodicals and weekly newspapers who, up until now, have made it possible for all of us...


I can explain everything

May 24, 2019

Any day now I expect to get an email from one of the many editors of the magazines and newspapers who run this column informing me they no longer want my essays because I can’t...


Don’t call me that

May 10, 2019

Don’t call me a rancher. I don’t deserve it. Even though I’ve owned cattle since I was a sophomore in high school I’ve never been a “rancher.” I had my first “cow herd” as a...


The speech makers

April 19, 2019

Now days it’s not unusual for purebred breeders to offer 500 bulls in a sale but when I started working bull sales 46 years ago a typical sale might offer 60 or 70 bulls and...


I hate the internet

April 12, 2019

A few years ago Pete Gnatkowski from Carrizozo, N.M., wrote me, I hope in jest, and wondered which Lee Pitts I was. He’d Googled my name and found that there was a Lee Pitts African...


Work is a 4 letter word

April 5, 2019

I recently read about a 23-year-old woman in Spain who sued her parents because they refused to continue to support her. She was living at her parent’s home, had no money, never finished high school...


The cuddling kind

March 29, 2019

Every once in awhile I’ll hear about an idea that makes me slap my forehead and say, “I wish I’d have thought of that.” Cow cuddling is one of those ideas. According to writer Linnea...


The high cost of being cheap

March 22, 2019

Okay, I admit it: I’m the cheapest SOB who ever made soup out of a complimentary cup of hot water from McDonalds and a free packet of ketchup. My wife and I have been married...


‘Everythin I Know I Learnt in Collage’

March 15, 2019

Over 30 years ago Robert Fulghum wrote a short essay that overnight made him one of the most beloved writers in America. The essay was called “All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in...


Don’t let it snow

March 1, 2019

I hate snow. I know, I know, every 10 inches of snow supposedly equals 1 inch of rain and we all need rain, but a blizzard seems to me to be an awfully inefficient and...


Pitts: Relatively speaking

October 19, 2018

My family talks funny. My mom and grandparents on her side of the family are all gone now but I can still hear them using words like privy, lariat, pipsqueak, scuttlebutt and wieners. They said...