Gas well experience

This is an era when drilling new oil and gas wells in the U.S. is commonplace. New oil and gas deposits are being found, and successfully drilled into, in places formerly thought to have no fossil fuel deposits.

That fact prompted an old stingy farmer, named Ty Twad, to convince himself that he should drill an oil/gas well near his home for the sole purpose of finding a natural gas pocket that would about eliminate the cost for heating his home and his shop during the long cold winters. Ty even had a dream that suggested that he could drill a gas well and enjoy “cheap” home heating for the rest of his life.

So, he called up a nearby oil/gas well driller and got a firm cost per foot to drill the well. He wuz happy to note that he’d saved up enuf moolah to drill the well down to 4,000 feet.

But, then the driller called back and said that it would be a waste of time and money to drill a gas well next to Ty’s home because the experts had looked at all the geological data and determined that there wuz no oil or gas beneath Ty’s place.

But, ol’ Ty wuz so convinced that his dream had been correct that he told the driller, “Well, let’s give it a try anyway. I’ve got the money and you’ve got the drill. Let’s drill a hole and see whether or not there’s a gas pocket down there.

So, reluctantly, the driller arrived, set up his drill, and commenced drilling. When he reached 1,000 feet, he suggested to Ty that it might be wise to quit.

Ty responded, “Nope, keep on drilling. I’ve just got that feeling I’d best keep drilling.”

So, the driller kept drilling and got to 2,000 feet. Again, he said it looked futile and it’d save Ty money to call it quits.

But, Ty said, “Go deeper. I just know we’re gonna hit that gas pocket.”

So, the driller went to 3,000 feet with the same negative result — and the same answer from Ty.

But, when the drilling reached 4,000 feet with not even a sniff of natural gas, ol’ Ty finally gave in. “Quit drilling. I’ve ran out of money to go deeper. My gut instinct and my dream were clearly wrong,”

That’s when the driller asked, “Do you want to spend a bit more to plug the dry hole? It’s the law that it has to be plugged unless it’s in use.”

That’s when Ty had another idea. “Nope. Just leave it open. I’ll build me a new outdoor privy over it. At 4,000 feet it will never fill up. It won’t smell or draw flies either.”

So, after the driller left, Ty built himself a fancy new one-hole privy. He build it out of bricks. He even put a half-moon window in the door.

Looking satisfied with his handy-work, Ty decided to celebrate his new privy with an outdoors cookout with his neighbors.

After the neighbors had gathered for the party, Ty broke into the conversation and declared, “Listen up, folks. I’ve spent a pretty penny on this fancy new outhouse. So, now’s the time to break it in. I’ll be the first to use it.”

And, that’s what he did. He entered his new privy with a wave to the crowd, told the folks, “I ain’t used one of these old outhouses since I wuz a kid,” and then he shut the door, 

The crowd outdoors waited … and they waited … and they waited. Soon, after about 2 minutes, they heard an alarmingly loud thump from inside Ty’s new outhouse. 

Concerned, they opened the door and were shocked to see ol’ Ty lying unconscious on the floor of his new privy. He wuz breathing, but out of it.

Someone dragged Ty out of the privy. Someone else fetched a bucket of cold water, threw it into his face, and slapped him on the cheek.

Ol’ Ty spluttered, gasped, and blinked back to consciousness.

“What in the world happened in there?” his closest friend asked.

“Well, I recalled when I wuz a kid I always held my breath until I heard ‘it’ hit the water.”

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I read recently that some supermarkets are experimenting with “digital pricing.” That means the price of each item is displayed digitally on the shelf by it. And, it means that prices can be changed instantly, so you might be reaching for a package of $10 hamburger and the price might change to $10.50 right before your eyes.

The stores are trying this to see if it improves profits. My guess it that it will increase customer dissatisfaction more then it will increase profits. It’s just another inconvenience of living in the digital age. I hope it never catches on.

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My “Masked Bandit War” to preserve my sweet corn crop took a couple of notable turns this week. First, I caught my third raccoon in a live trap. But, then I caught a skunk. Uh, oh! It took a bit of ingenuity on my part, but I managed to handle that situation with a negligible residual skunk smell around the house.

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Lost another near life-long friend last week at the age of 94. When we buried her, Charlene had more than 65 great-grandkids, more than 20 great-great grandkids, with five more on the way. Her life was a productive one, for sure. RIP.

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Words of wisdom for the week: “Spend time with your elders. Not everything can be learned on Google.” Have a good ‘un.