Petersen: Golden Age Hooplah
Have you ever constructed a newsletter? Or thought about doing so? These days it seems every business, store, organization, school, website…you name it, a newsletter brags on its product or service.
Thus, I am moved to create a newsletter on behalf of persons of “golden years” persuasion. While there’s many a publication that purports to represent seniors, few to none are written by anyone who actually dwells in Alley Oop land.
Title: GOLDEN AGE HOOPLA.
There’s a bazillion meanings to the word “hoopla.” From my dictionary, the definition I like best is: excitement surrounding an event or situation, especially when considered to be unnecessary fuss. Synonyms: disturbance, racket, uproar, tumult, ruckus, clamor. Or as the poet Dylan Thomas put it: Do not go gentle into that good night.
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Each issue will contain quips, quotes, comedy and satire culled from Internet, from humorous tomes, from comedians, from folklore, from any newspaper, and of course from the daily bottomless well of political claptrap that never dries up.
GOLDEN AGE HOOPLA will be published whenever I get around to it. Or maybe I’ll just write a book divided into the following Hoopla chapters.
Early Signs: Using the phrases: Back in my time… I used to… Kids these days…
Cataract — not necessarily a waterfall dropping down a cliffside.
Perks: False teeth, drooling, morning phlegm.
Daily Exercise: Getting out of bed — one more time.
Giving up all the things that make you you want to live longer.
The waistline goes missing. Flannel clothing becomes a fashion statement.
Parts seize up, deteriorate and/or fall off.
Surgical procedures. Tallying one’s remaining parts.
Health and Beauty: Counting liver spots or: Don’t scare the horses.
Outdoor Activities: Inertia — the sport of choice.
Travel and recreation. Planning for bathroom stops.
Memory goes missing or: What am I here after?
Coping with scammers, telemarketers and do-gooders.
When one is on a first-name basis with one’s doctor.
Drugs, medications, tablets, pills…
Governor’s Conference on Aging
Funerals, there goes another peer.
Going for a hundred: No peer pressure.
Golden Years and other fairy tales.
Undertaker: “How old was your husband?
Elderly woman: “98. Two years older than me.”
Undertaker: “So, you’re 96.”
Elderly Woman: “Hardly worth going home, is it?”
Onward into the fog…
A Cowgirl Credo
Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave in a well-preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting…
Holy Cow — What a ride! ❖
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