4 legged puzzles

Back when I was a road agent driving 55,000 miles per year, my favorite thing to do on long boring stretches of asphalt was to figure out what all the personalized license plates I passed meant. Some were easy like IMRICH, 4GETIT, ILVBEER, ILLSUE, U MAD, IOU, GOODOG and HAVAPUG (with a pug hanging out the window). But the ones I liked were the harder ones to figure out like SHE WON on a Mercedes obviously referring to a divorce settlement, THXELON on a Tesla, AUDIIOS on an Audi and GONA B L8 on an old clunker pickup. On a Ferrari I saw a plate that said STOLEN and on two different Corvettes I saw plates that read ZRO KIDZ and JUSTTRY.

In Illinois, which has the largest number of personalized license plates, I saw a black hearse that said EXPIRED. 

On the wall of my home office is my favorite plate of all. I found it nailed to the wall of a mechanic’s shop and it would have been totally apropos on the bumper of all the Oldsmobiles I wore out going to cattle sales. It reads MY OFISS.

Just for fun can you figure out the following personalized plates? SO4CHN8, NEEDQB, HATCARPLS, GOELEC, UM FRYS, and one that should raise the hackles on every rancher: BEVGN. I better stop now because the spell checker on my computer is blowin’ steam and makin’ screechy noises.

The reason I bring up the subject of personalized plates is because reading them is very similar to reading brands, another thing I enjoy doing. I think I’d have made a good brand inspector even though it’s much harder with cattle than with cars because the brands can be found on six different locations and can be rocking, rolling, standing, walking, tumbling, running, flying, swinging, slashed, broken and can even be crazy. They can also be lazy, hooked, forked or may consist only of dots like the Two Dot and the Four Dot.

A lot of brands are totally unrelated to the people who own the cattle. For example, I know a fellow who owns a Lazy A brand and he is the hardest working person I know. There’s not a lazy bone in his body. And his first and last name don’t contain a single A. Ditto for the brand Crooked L that also belongs to a friend who is the most honest person you’d ever want to deal with.

My favorite type of brands are artistic picture brands like a four leaf clover, a cow’s head, scissors, hash knife, milliron, turkey track and wineglass. I collect branding irons and among my favorites are the pick and shovel (belonging to Alex Madonna), the Tejon which is the cross and the crescent which represents two religions and is believed to be the oldest brand ever found. I also have a Diamond A branding iron that I cherish. I even have an iron with three crosses on it. I don’t know who it belongs to now but Hernan Cortez, the Spanish conquistador who is best known for conquering the Aztecs and claiming Mexico on behalf of Spain in the 1500s used to own it. I’m afraid the iron I have is not quite that old by about 500 years.

The holy grail for me would be to have an iron from the 101 Ranch, the MC, ZX, Four Sixes (6666), a runnin’ W from the King Ranch and, of course, the XIT. Most of you probably know the XIT belonged to the Farwell Brothers in Texas who built the state capitol in exchange for millions of acres in the Texas panhandle. XIT is an abbreviation for ten10 in Texas which was supposedly how many counties the XIT covered. However, it’s a little known fact that the XIT only received land in nine counties.

The brand that belongs to my wife and I in California is the US on the right hip. Such a brand makes people believe we are very patriotic, which we are, but what it really stands for is us, as in my wife and I. The United States also owns a US brand that it has always used to brand its mules. It too has a double meaning. Some insist it stands for the United States while others believe it stands for UnSafe at either end.