Board of Education

Grafting calves is something that draws different opinions from every rancher I know. Some say it’s not worth the time, others believe that every cow needs to have a calf. Me, I’m somewhere in the middle. I think that grafting calves is a tool in my toolbox just like everything else. If I have a set of twins, or an old cow that isn’t taking care of her calf, then I’ll take that calf and put it on a younger cow that can raise it if the younger cow happens to lose her own calf. I’m not a fan of going out and buying calves if you don’t have them on hand because grafting isn’t a foolproof process.

What is grafting you ask? Well it’s the process of giving an orphan calf, or one whose biological mother cannot raise, a new mother. It’s bovine adoption in a sense, but not every case is as easy as it seems. Now there are all different methods that people use to get adoptive mothers to claim their foster children. There’s powders, oils, gunny sacks and the skinning method. To be honest, they all work to some extent. Much like riding a bucking horse, if you ask 10 different ranchers how to do it. You’ll get 10 different answers. At the end of the day, I think it boils down to the temperament of the cow, the vigor of the calf, and the amount of time given.

When I graft calves, I have my own method. I take the calf that I am going to put on the cow and deprive him of his breakfast for the day. That afternoon when he is good and hungry and sure that his tummy is going to eat him from the inside out, I run his foster mommy in the chute and let him nurse her. After Junior has nursed about three of the four milk spigots, I pull him off and put him in the stall where he and his new mommy will become acquainted with one another over the next few days. I then sprinkle O-No-More Calf Claim powder on him and throw a handful up mama’s nose. Now if mama is friendly and cooperative, at this point she gets turned in with her new darling baby to start life together, if not, she gets to go on a chemically induced psychedelic trip that usually results in her waking up next to her new baby and thinking that he’s the most darling thing she ever saw. If she decides that her new baby looks like a soccer ball that she needs to kick around the barn for fun instead of standing still and allowing to nurse, she gets to wear a fancy set of hobbles that prevent her from kicking her calf, me, the barn cat or the gate as it smacks her on the rump.

Most calves that I graft will take in 24 to 48 hours. From that point on, they become just like any other pair on the ranch. It’s the stubborn cows who believe they are strong independent bovine that don’t need to contribute to the ranch by raising a calf that are the problem. These cows usually have a meeting with the Board of Education, a red sorting stick that I use to enforce my one simple rule. If you beat your baby, I beat you on the nose. Some are fast learners, they only need one touch of that stick on the end of the nose to realize that calf isn’t going to eat them. Others end up finding their way to the sale barn where they can live their independent lives at a feedyard before they end up as a combo meal with fries and a drink.

Well that’s about it for this time. Keep tabs on your side of the barbed wire and remember to eat beef! God bless.

Meinzer is a fourth-generation rancher raised on the southeastern plains of Colorado. He and his family live and ranch in Oshkosh, Neb.