Peterson: Uffda! Time for some jokes
November 19, 2016
Uffda. A Norwegian slang word which may be used in most any situation. To start a conversation. To emphasize a point. To remark upon a passing-strange event. To comment on a tasty meal. Even to signify approval or sometimes disapproval of a tall story.
From a collection of Scandinavian joke books, here are a few Ole and Lena tidbits to savor. Many of these gags came over on the boat, but no matter — they'll still turn up the corners of your mouth.
On a visit to Montana, Ole decided to try horseback riding. So a cowboy asked, "What kind of saddle do you prefer, English or Western?
“Why did Ole wear two jackets while painting? Because the directions on the paint can said put on two coats!”
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Ole: "Vat's the difference?"
Cowboy: "The western saddle has a horn."
Ole: "Vell, I yust don't tink I'll need da horn. I don't intend to ride in heavy traffic anyvay."
When Ole reached retirement age, he found too much time on his hands. A friend recommended he get a hobby, such as raising chickens.
So, Ole went to a hatchery and purchased 200 chicks. The next week he went back to the hatchery and bought 200 more. Another week went by. Again he returned to the hatchery and ordered 200 more. This went on for several weeks.
Curious, the hatchery manager asked why Ole came in every week to buy 200 more chicks?
"Vell," said Ole, "Something seems to be wrong. Either I'm planting dem too deep … or too close togedder.
A Danish lady sent her husband to town to get a pair of loafers. He came back with two Norwegians. Uffda!
Ole was hunting big game in Africa when he suddenly came screaming through the jungle.
Guide: "What's the matter?"
Ole: "A lion bit off my big toe."
Guide: "Which one?"
Ole: "How would I know? Dose lions all look da same to me."
Why did Ole wear two jackets while painting? Because the directions on the paint can said put on two coats!
Lena: "Ole, let's go jogging togedder."
Ole: "How come?"
Lena: "Vell, because my doctor told me I could lose veight by vorking out with a dumb-bell."
Ole was so heavy, he finally made an appointment with a doctor. "Well, Ole," said the doctor, "I want you to run five miles a day for the next hundred days. If you do, you'll lose weight."
A hundred days later Ole called the doctor. "Doc, I am yust not happy vid dis veight-loss program."
"Why is that, Ole? Haven't you lost weight?"
"Vell, ya," said Ole, "but now I'm 500 miles from home!"
Ole: "Lena, vy are you eating dinner standing on vun foot?"
Lena: "Because da doctor said to eat a balanced diet."
And on the jokes go. Personally speaking, I have no Scandinavian blood in my veins. However, living amongst a largely Norwegian population that includes a great many ya-sure-ya-betcha cowboys, I'd have to have cement for brains if I didn't absorb and laugh at the endless supply of sidewise humor.