Stay out of range

The 25th of this month will mark the 11-year mark of being married to my wonderful bride. There have been highs, lows and some very memorable moments in our marriage, and they have all taught me different lessons. One of the best lessons I have learned though, is whenever I feel the need to make a sarcastic comment, it is best to stay out of throwing or striking range. Flip flops leave a mark when they land up the side of your head and temporary loss of hearing makes a fellow think before he speaks next time. With that being said, I thought maybe I would share some of those teaching moments that I learned from for all my fellow husbands out there.

When my wife and I were still dating, I was living in Garden City, Kan., while she was living at home in Hyannis, Neb. There was an alumni meeting for my fraternity in Hays, Kan., that I decided to attend. Like all young couples do, we had been talking throughout the day via text or phone calls. I had driven to Hays from Garden and met up with some of my friends at one of our favorite local watering holes. The night started to wear on and I became a little neglectful of my phone and wasn’t really answering messages. Finally, a genuine and caring message came through telling me to be careful and we would visit in the morning. My reply was “Not to worry, this ain’t my first rodeo.” That ladies and gentlemen is not the appropriate reply to someone who genuinely cares for you. The following morning, I quickly learned that some things are better thought and not said.

Those that know me, know that I like to visit. I seldom know a stranger and have the ability to make friends with anyone, at any time. The time to make new friends and talk about horses and cows and the events of the day is not right after you have just said I do to your new bride and are supposed to be taking a romantic first ride in a horse-drawn carriage. While my bride was riding along, I decided to make friends with the teamster and we started talking all about the horses that he was driving. My poor bride rode along silently as my new friend and I chatted the whole ride.

Just recently, while we were trying to get around for church, I received another one of those I love you, but it’s a good thing murder is illegal looks from my bride. She had been in the bathroom trying to get her hair to do whatever she was trying to make it do. I’m going bald, I don’t have that problem. I heard muttering coming from the bathroom, so I called out asking if she was talking to me. She replied, “No, I am just having a conversation with my hair.” Without missing a beat, I called back “Better make it a short conversation, or we are going to be late.” Boys I’m telling you that if looks could kill, I would be telling this story to Jesus right now.

Marriage is a lot like being a doctor, everyday you keep practicing, but you’ll never get it perfect. I couldn’t ask for a better person to call my wife, though I don’t know how she has put up with all my crap for so many years. My advice to all the husbands and those that want to be husbands someday is to speak your mind, but be ready to duck when the reply comes flying back your way. That’s all for this time, keep tabs on your side of the barbed wire and God bless.

Meinzer is a fourth-generation rancher raised on the southeastern plains of Colorado. He and his family live and ranch in Oshkosh, Neb.