Life in the Dark Ages

Well, it finally happened. I have officially turned into my parents. The other day while my family and I were sitting in the living room watching a show together, my son asked if we could skip through the commercials. I explained to him that while we had several different streaming services, DVR, and a host of other things to watch a show on, occasionally we do have to watch a show the way his mother and I had to. You have to endure the endless commercials for miracle drugs to cure ailments from warts to itchy eyes, realize you might be hungry after watching one from a fast food place, or realize your car really is old when you see the newest model advertised for the low price of an arm, a leg, the first born child and the deed to your house. It occurred to me that my wife and I have not exposed our children to the reality that was television before you could pause it like a computer game.

Growing up, we still had the rabbit ear antenna on the top of the TV. For quite a while, there was no remote to the TV either, that was the job of my brother and I. We’d get up and go turn the knob until the channel dad wanted to watch came on, and then we’d adjust the antenna to clear up the picture. There was a grand total of about five channels, Lord help us if the president was making a press release because you could bet he was on every channel. The commercials were the time that we would make a mad dash to the kitchen for a snack or take a bathroom break before rushing back so we didn’t miss any of our show. We all knew that Walker Texas Ranger was going to roundhouse kick the bad guy and say something cool like he did last week, but heaven help us if we were in the kitchen getting Cheetos when it happened.

My grandparents were slightly more advanced in their house. They had satellite TV. I’m not talking about the kind like we have now that is a small little dish bolted neatly to the side of the house. This was a full-on satellite receiver that would link up with a satellite in outer space when you typed in a special code. You could look up the show you wanted to watch in the TV Guide, type in the channel, then run to the window and watch the receiver move and align so that it was picking up the right channel. This was when satellite TV gave you every channel created, including some that were not fit for little eyes. A favorite trick of my grandpa’s would be to switch the satellite over to one of the naughty channels after he had watched the cow sale when he came in for lunch. He’d switch the channel, shut the TV off and wait for grandma to come home and turn it on. Chaos would ensue. You could hear grandma yelling “Art! You quit looking at those girls!” across the yard. Grandpa would smile and laugh, knowing he got grandma’s dander up for the day.

Television has come a long way since its creation. Now a days you can even watch it on your phone. It’s amazing to me how fast technology changes. My kids may never know the skill it took to squeeze in a bathroom break, grab a snack, and make sure you were back in time for the show when the last commercial aired. I guess that’s just how it was back in my day! That’s all for this time, keep tabs on your side of the barbed wire and God bless.

Meinzer is a fourth-generation rancher raised on the southeastern plains of Colorado. He and his family live and ranch in Oshkosh, Neb.