Trust issues
I had an interesting conversation with a gal who asked why it is difficult for “new” people in a community to get things changed. She has lived here for 10 years, yet ponders if her different approaches to accomplish goals are to blame because she is “new.”
We talked about how to give new ideas to groups without sounding overbearing. There’s a difference in boldly announcing, back in (California, Colorado, Minnesota, etc., take your pick), this is how we did it. Implying, if not overtly stating, it was a much better way to do things. It also gives the impression to the group that the new community is backward, provincial or even dumb. Group members can hear the disdain in their voices, as they seem to be thinking these people apparently never leave the county so they can’t appreciate new ideas.
A better approach would be to sit back, watch, and learn how and why things are done the way they are. Once you understand how things work, you might want to ask it like, “Have you ever considered doing it this way?” without the commentary about your previous location.
Another realization is that personalities enter into the mix. It is always a mystery about who doesn’t like another person, or why, yet it’s a reality. The group doesn’t matter — volunteer boards, churches or PTAs. There are those in charge who may have been in the position for so long that they have lost the desire to work nicely with others. They seem to think their opinion is the only one that matters. When others step up to help, they are soundly berated not for what they did, but what they didn’t do. Guess who never volunteers to help again?
If you join a group and things don’t go as you think they should, it doesn’t always mean they don’t like your ideas. It’s just that it wasn’t their idea. It’s likely that if they thought of it first, the decision would have been a positive one. You may recall when Lillie Tomlin, acting as Edith Ann said, “I’m not bossy. I just have better ideas.”
Then there is the aspect that people who have lived here for years just don’t want change. They like the way things are being done. That is not because of naivety, but of satisfaction. When things aren’t broken, don’t try to fix them. That may be one of the best lessons for new people to learn.
When folks have lived in a small community for a long time, word gets around as to who is trustworthy and who is not. Folks have to prove themselves. Glowing reports by an employer concerning the work habits of a potential hire by your business, may sway you to not check with others who have used their services. When the potential hire is new to the area, we used to give them the benefit of the doubt and relied on one person’s opinion. Unfortunately, with so many unscrupulous individuals and even criminals moving in, we have to become wary, even though it hasn’t been in our nature.
As President Reagan said, “trust but verify.”
Sander’s internet latchstring is peggy@peggysanders.com.
