There it was the perfect day for a day on the water. The sun was shining brightly, the wind wasn’t even a whisper, and the river drifted lazily along. The tubes were inflated, the cooler had been iced down, all that was left was to float and be a bum for the afternoon. We parked the pick-up at the river bridge and before even getting in the water I grabbed the bottle of sunscreen. Now like most ranchers and farmers I know; my swim trunks are one of three pairs of shorts that I own. It is a scarce occurrence that I am even seen in shorts, let alone without socks. That being said, my legs are far from tan. When the bulb goes out of a lighthouse light, they could use my bright white legs to direct harbor traffic.

                  So, after applying a liberal amount of the on-sale dollar store sunscreen we were off on our rubber rafts like a herd of misguided river pirates guarding our cooler like it was long lost treasure. The sun smiled down, there were no clouds to block its beautiful rays and there I was soaking them all in. About 30 minutes into our float, I felt like my delicate pale legs might be getting a tad bit warm. I grabbed the sunscreen and slathered them up again. No worries, we’re on the water and I’ll just cool off if I get too warm. Nobody ever got burned underwater, right?

                  One hour passed, then another. I applied sunscreen from that jug like my life depended on it. There we were floating the day away, soaking up the sun and thinking that our tans would be the envy of the county. Boy was I wrong. See the sunscreen they sell at the dollar store must be about SPF-50. That stuff might as well have been butter because all it did was baste my lobster-colored legs with each application. By the time we reached our destination I was cooked. Every part of my body that wasn’t covered with the shade from my hat, shirt or swim trunks was the same color as red M&M’s. If I came with one of those pop-up timers that you would find in the Thanksgiving turkey, it would have popped and probably melted.

                  Thankfully, aloe vera sold at the dollar store must come from the same plant that they make the expensive stuff out of, because when I got to the house that helped to cool the burn. Hot water in the shower wasn’t my friend for a few days and it was a challenge to wear my starched and creased Wranglers to church on Sunday. A few days have passed, and the sting has subsided from the sunburn. I’m able to put my socks on without wincing in pain and I can wear jeans with out each step being a painful reminder that my frugal behind should have spent a few extra dollars and bought the sunscreen that I know works.

                  Take it from my painful experience, if your legs are not accustomed to seeing the light of day, buy the good sunscreen, or wear jeans on the water. Just because something is cheaper, doesn’t mean that it is a better buy in the end. That’s all for this time, stay cool in the summer heat and keep tabs on your side of the barbed wire. God bless!

Meinzer is a fourth-generation rancher raised on the southeastern plains of Colorado. He and his family live and ranch in Oshkosh, Neb.